she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
