yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
