If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
