When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
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