before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize