You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
