Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Swine flu is the new snow day.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Randomize
