Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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