fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
