I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
She announced her abortion via fbk
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
