words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
