you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
