At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Randomize
