im holly from the hills drunk
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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