I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
