He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I just googled if crying burns calories
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
So squirting runs in the family.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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