I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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