I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
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Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
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I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
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