I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
