Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Randomize
