Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
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