I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I didn't notice because vodka
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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