We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
