I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
