By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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