just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
