You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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