Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
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Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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