Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
