i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
