Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Randomize
