We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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