hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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