it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Terrible idea I love it
Randomize
