Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
