so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
