so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
