I'm so fucking centered right now
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
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