Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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