I look better un-naked...
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
If I had your ass I would rule the world
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
