see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
