stop calling my apartment porn island.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
