Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
