I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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