i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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