She's like a pop up book from hell.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
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I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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