I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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