why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
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Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
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I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
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