Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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