I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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