u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
