God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
bring money and cleavage
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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