i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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