i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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