walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
