You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
