I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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