then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Randomize
