you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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