Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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