Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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