Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
you made out with another girl for some wings
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Randomize
